


Wherever You Are

by sunfish_sunfish



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, F/M, I kinda wear out near the end but at least I actually finished something lmao, Tragedy, also rated for language, some graphic scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 16:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15076808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunfish_sunfish/pseuds/sunfish_sunfish
Summary: Rain here, rain there, rain now, rain then. Everywhere she goes, the rain follows her heels like a persistent past. The fresh scent of the soil enveloped her. Gentle drizzling enshrouded her, its constant droplets bouncing off the tin roofs dully. A pale porcelain hand slowly unfurled... OkiKagu with an oc.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello! Thank you for reading Wherever you are! As a warning, there is some violence and strong words in later chapters so viewer discretion is somewhat advised. Also, although there are no spoilers, the story will make more sense if the latest manga chapters have been read. Thank you!

The fresh scent of the soil enveloped her. Gentle drizzling enshrouded her, its constant droplets bouncing off the tin roofs dully. A pale porcelain hand slowly unfurled and felt the rain. The ever familiar rain.

A twirl of the hand and the drops sprayed in an arc. A bounce of the feet and the splashes that followed. Kagura smiled wanly at her routine but didn't chide herself. After all, she was one with the rain as it was one with her heart.

* * *

The sky, just a vast horizon of gray, reflected her mood well. Perhaps grim would be the right word for it. Kagura crouched by the edge of the street. A single gingko leaf was caught in the flowing stream of rainwater, tumbling uncontrollably in somersaults as it slowly ripped apart. It disappeared down the drain.

The rain fell. The drizzling came down harder now as pellets of rain. The soft and playful drops had become harsher, colder, meaner, as it shattered the mirrors of the puddles. Kagura stood up and shook herself. Water streamed from her hair in rivulets, and she was dimly surprised at how drenched she was. She shivered.

"Oi, what are you doing out here."

It was that stupid police officer sadist again.

"What does it matter to you, I can go outside whenever I want to. It's not like it's hurting anyone." Her voice caught as she coughed, and she turned around.

He was staring at her dryily (both literally and figuratively) in silence, to her annoyance.

"Well, maybe I'm sick then," she admitted grudgingly. "But I assure you, mister police officer, that your mere presence is currently bothering  _someone_  right now, and it would please them very,  _very_ much for you to leave? Now?" Kagura pointedly glared at him, matching him eye for eye.

When his expression didn't change, her irritance finally boiled over and she was just about to punch him to next week when he raised a finger and pointed at her.

"What-"

_Wumph._  A black jacket landed on Kagura's head.

"Honestly, you're already pushing it with your natural ugliness, but when you cry, now that is just plain hideous. A crime against humanity. Therefore, under my jurisdiction, you are going to stop crying for the public eyes' sake. I'm censoring that expression."

Suddenly, Kagura was painfully aware of the ball of sandpaper scraping her throat and the blurriness, which wasn't from the rain anymore. A low rumble of thunder boomed in the distance.

"... H-huh? Could it possibly be that the Sadist is trying to comfort me?"

"Don't get too full of yourself, China. Just shut up and do what I say."

She pulled the jacket down harder on her bowed head. Her umbrella lay on the ground but she felt a warmth that not even her brother's gift, the one that had secretly made her so happy, could give. Her shoulders shuddered. The smell of sweat, grass, soil, and maybe even blood, cloaked her like a dizzying fog.

A hand gingerly, awkwardly, patted her head through the jacket. It was so endearing, her heart felt like it was melting around the edges. A sob escaped but she quickly clamped it down. Blood trickled from her trembling lip, the rain diluting it.

When she made no move, the hand slowly moved into a gawky embrace. Kagura pressed against his broad chest, gently at first but then more limply, like an overused, ragged doll.

"There's no one here; Say whatever you want, anything. I will hide you from the rain…" A rough voice whispered into her ear, sending a different type of shiver down her spine.

"I… I... "

There was so much to say, so much to vent, that not even a lifetime would be enough. But how could she ever say how her heart was trapped in briars and how every breathe, every living moment, hurt as the thorns drew in deeper? How could she ever tell him that she was leaving, that she was going into space and might never return? How could she ever tell him, the one who lost his dearests person, his sister, that she wanted to grow stronger only to kill her own brother? How could she tell him that she was crying because she had sworn to murder and could never turn back? How could she ever convey him such tragedies?

"I… I… I am in love with you."

The slow rings that his fingers were tracing on her back froze. As soon as she blurted those words, her mind fell into a numb shock.

Okita drew away, his hands on both of her shoulders so he could look into her eyes. Too many emotions were flooding him as he stared into her, such that made his crimson eyes look like kaleidoscopes or opals. She couldn't tear herself away, even as her face steadily grew into a scorching blaze.

He finally settled on the emotion of emotionlessness. He silently took his hands away and lifted his jacket off Kagura's head, who, to her embarrassment, still had it covering her. He shook off the rain, turned around, and began trudging away.

"W... Wait!"

The feet stopped. "What."

"You… You don't have a response to that?"

"Look China. The only reason I bothered myself with you is because I thought you weren't like all those other, weak women who trail after any and all sort of men only for their bodies. Over time I came to think that we, at least to some degree, trusted each other and were maybe even friends." His voice hardened. "I guess not."

"What?! If you think that I'm someone who c… confesses to just any random person, then you are dead wron-"

"That's not the point!" Okita spun around, fury leaping in his eyes. "I saw you, I watched you make the vow to kill. And there's only one person you really hate isn't there." His lips curled into an ugly sneer. "Me. You plan on killing me."

Kagura's jaw dropped.

"But despite that, I gave you the chance," he continued. "I said that you could say anything, didn't I? If you trusted me, if you… if you had any feelings for me, then you would've told me the truth. But no, you hid it with a complete  _lie_ -"

"That wasn't-"

"It is a  _lie_  no matter how you pretty it up."

"But-"

"I should've never trusted you," he hissed.

The words sliced at Kagura, creating ribbons of pain and hurt, but that last one made everything snap and overrode her indecisiveness.

"It was Kamui, damnit, it was never you I planned to kill!" she screeched. "I want to kill my own, cursed bastard of a brother! Me, kill my brother! I'm the only one, the only one, who can-" Her voice splintered abruptly.

Silence. The rain had stopped. A mist remained, a thin veil of water vapor, almost as though the drops were suspended in the air. Like time had stopped. Shock and utter confusion reflected clearly in Okita's eyes. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

"Maybe you only thought that I hated you like so because that is how you see yourself." She finally said quietly. "There is no one, no one, whom I hate more than… Kamui."

"But… he's your brother. He's still… alive. Breathing." Okita's voice caught.

"No." She shook her head, a hard glint surfacing in her cerulean eyes. "No. I refuse to see that… that  _being_  as my brother. He isn't the brother whom I've once adored. If it's blood you want, if it's blood you need, then I have more than enough for one person. Blood is nothing to the precious bond between siblings. But I won't stand still any longer.  _I_  must be the one who ends his disgusting… joy. I will end his insanity and put him to rest. On my identity as a sister."

She staggered but picked up her muddy umbrella and gave it a good shake before opening it. She stood firmly, feeling more grounded under the coldness of duty than the strange, fuzzy, weak, feeling from before.

"Sadist, I take back everything that I said before. Forget it. And forget me too."


	2. Epilogue and Afterword

Time moves on. A year, two years, five, and then ten. A decade had passed since that rain.

He was now twenty eight, an adult. No longer was he that uncertain fledgeling from ten years ago, who jumped at the wisp of a wind, but a grown and mature hawk who could outfly any gale. The legendary swordsman of the Shinsengumi. Okita Sougo.

Today was one of those days, the ones between full blown summer and reluctant spring. Perfect. He leaned over the wooden bridge, nibbling absentmindedly on a strand of tasteless hay. A bloated dollop of cloud, like a cream puff or perhaps the palace of Laputa, languidly floated in the brilliant blue of the sky. A fresh sigh of wind brushed strands of his mouse-colored hair.

"Ne ne, Ossan."

Little tugs on his sleeve pushed him out of his wonderful listlessness. He irritatedly looked down, irritated from being brought back to reality and also from being called an ossan.

"Whatdya want kid," he grumbled grouchily before he blinked and his mind sharpened. Not a moment too soon. Metal screeched on metal, screaming for blood and blood and blood. People were screaming and terror was the acrid fumes pouring into the air.

And just as quickly, it ended. The child, who he could now see was a teenage girl, leaped back, landing neatly with her mauve umbrella. She shook out her spiky black mane before leaping away into the crowd and disappearing.

It was a while before he realized that he was still crouching, the sword gripped with white knuckles. He deeply sighed before sheathing it away when something crunched at the bottom. Blinking, he redrew his sword and saw a piece of paper pierced through it.

"Snack Otose. Tonight."

It had been years since the last time he visited the shifty snack house. As he rattled open the door, he took back in the nostalgic scene.  _Dim lit lighting, check. Drunk middle aged men, check. A robotic maid, a cat woman, and a very old woman, check, check, check. Yup, this is Snack Otose._

"Okita-san! It has been a very long time; would you like something to drink?" Tama politely stood forward and gestured to one of the seats. "As usual there are plenty of seats here so feel free to choose whichever one you please."

"No, it's fine. And besides, I already have an appointment with someone." His eyes narrowed as he stared at the edge of the counter. Unblinking onyx eyes bored back into his. He strode over.

"What do you want with me, you-"

" _I_  am not who called you out." She gestured to the dark clad figure beside her. "My master is the one."

The person wore a fading and worn beige cape, spilling onto the floor. A thatched straw hat shaded over any possible facial features, save a flowing river of crimson hair.

"... Who are you," Okita asked cautiously. His nerves had suddenly become a tangled mess, and his heart was thumping away painfully at the bones of his chest. Anticipation was began burning to a fever pitch.

Porcelain hands gently tugged apart the knot and the hat rustled down. The person stood up, meeting Okita eye for eye. A sunny smile.

"Hello there. My name is Kamui."


	3. Postscript

Dead silence followed. Not a glass clinked nor a word fluttered. More than anything that had ever lived or that had never lived,  _this_  was Silence.  _This_  was Death.

_No, something is off. Very off. The eyes are wrong, all wrong, no, just everything, everything is very, very wrong._

Okita's mind raced, frantically trying to fill that gap, that vital piece in his memory. He had felt close, tantalizingly closer than ever before to reaching it, but now it had slipped away again, a garden snake among ivy.

"And would I be correct in assuming that you are Okita Sougo?" he pleasantly continued, practically oblivious to the silence. No, that would be wrong; he was not oblivious, he  _reveled_  in it, for it was his silence and no one else's.

"I, I am."

"Well what are you waiting for? Sit down, sit down!" Kamui excitedly patted the seat next to him as he propped himself up to his own chair. Okita hesitantly sat down.

"So, why did you call me out-"

"Wait, we need to order something! You can't start without eating of course!" Kamui grabbed the menu and began flipping through it rapidly. He vaguely muttered something every few items.

"...So doesn't your… friend need a seat?" Okita nodded at the black haired girl. She stared at him blankly.

"Hmm? Her? Nah, she's my daughter, she isn't anyone important enough to take a seat," he said absentmindedly. "More importantly, do you think meat buns are better than-"

_Crash_. Cups shattered and plates clattered as Okita jerked from his seat.

"I'm done. With this. With you. Goodbye and I hope to never see you again." He turned around, fuming. He briskly walked towards the door when a voice questioned, "But don't you want to know your memories?"

He froze, one step out the door. He was half uncertain whether that was a real voice or just his own thoughts.

"Didn't you feel a sense of recognition when you saw me? Some hint perhaps? Maybe even… a longing?" The now velvety voice coaxed him back. "Okita Sougo, I know all about your amnesia, how you know the name but you don't remember any interactions with  _her_. The owner of this cloak and hat. She who is my sister. Kagura."

At the name, a cold finger trailed down his spine, those familiar shivers from every time he heard it. That name. That horrid, bewitching, beautiful name.

Okita silently returned to his seat. Kamui gave him an approving smile, a patronizing one to say the least.

"Now then. It's storytime. Why not have my daughter tell it," he said viciously with an animalistic, toothed smile. "It'll be fun."

Okita glanced at her. Her shoulders might have caved in slightly, but her eyes were glassy and blank. She opened her mouth to speak.

"I was born in wedlock. Master slept around with many around the time, including princess Soyo. My birth is a disgrace to the royal family so… Kagura-san took me away the moment I was born. We traveled space together; me because I had no one else, and Kagura-san because she had sworn to end someone's life. At that time, I never knew who I was and I had always thought that I was her daughter. I didn't need anyone but her, and we were happy. But sometimes she would look lonely and tell me to live without regrets. Her one wish that she desired for was impossible, she would say. I vowed to change that though; I couldn't bare her sad face and I, naively, thought that I could change that."

She inhaled deeply before plunging into the rest of the story...

...

"Kagura-san, it reeks of mold here…"

The gray sky stretched over the rotting buildings, the rain splattering its fat drops on the concrete. The air stank of decay and the pungent scent of mold. The girl shuddered in disgust.

Kagura laughed at her companion's expression. Nothing delicate but rather a warm chuckle from her heart. "Yup, this is my hometown. Believe me, I've thought the same exact thing for years. If not still now." Her expression twisted into a gag as the wind picked up.

They picked their way through the rubble and towards the houses, dark and intimidating silhouettes in the pale background. Nothing but water could be heard; water falling, water splashing, water trickling, water draining.

At last, they reached an alley, and they slipped through. A small, dank stairwell down led them to Kagura's house. It was dark, with only a single light bulb in the entire house of three rooms. Shadows swayed nauseously with every draft, like drunk ships in a storm.

"You stay here where it's dry. There're some rations left from the planet we last visited so you can eat those. I have somewhere I need to go…"

She placed her knapsack in front of the girl and opened it, carefully taking out a small bouquet of lilies. She saw the girl stare at it in awe and smiled knowingly.

"Pretty aren't they? I'm going to see my mami and give these to her. She's near where we docked our space yacht."

"What? But there weren't any houses there Kagura-san."

Kagura winced a bit, her smile turning into something a bit more bittersweet and pained.

"She's dead. I'm going to see her grave."

The girl's jaw opened, but she quickly closed it and instead looked down ashamedly, her pale face becoming a tinted rose color. Kagura tousled her hair kindly, murmuring, "Do not worry. She is happier where she is now than where she was before."

Kagura turned to leave when the girl hugged her fiercely from behind.

"I love you mami! Thank you, thank you for giving birth to me and loving me so much. Thank you for never leaving me."

Kagura's throat constricted as a sharp stone suddenly lodged in her throat. Overwhelming guilt crashed down, drowning her in the waves of sorrow, grief, guilt. She could still see Soyo screaming, fighting, crying to take back her baby, her rightful treasure, before she fainted and her life blood slowly drained away. In that dark alley where no one would be able to find them, she left her, her best friend, the one person to whom she could share everythings and nothings with, she had taken the baby and  _she left the mother to die. Alone._

"Kagura-san?"

Kagura snapped back to reality and saw her dear friend's daughter look up with shining eyes. Passion to protect her and fury to the one who started the grief burned through her, evaporating the guilt and the sorrow. She hugged the girl back, almost crushing her in protectiveness. "I will protect you no matter what, at all cost. I swear it upon everything I have," she said fiercely, the oil of anger only burning her fire higher.

They clung onto each other, one to a lifeline in a storm. Then they finally separated, smiles warmly lighting their faces.

"I will be back soon," Kagura promised, as she left the house.


	4. Appendix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello! Just a brief warning, this chapter has some violence involved. Not extremely gory, but be prepared/ viewer discretion is thus advised. Thank you for reading!

The girl yawned. She stretched luxuriously as she awoke from her nap and blinked in the dim light. She sat up.

_What to do…_ The bare room had nothing except the backpack and… She abruptly stood. The lilies were lying on the ground. She groaned.  _How could she have forgotten?_ She hastily scooped them up and dashed out the door.

The rain pelted against her, gelid and sharp. They stabbed her cheeks, hands, and eyes, but she sprinted on through the wilted city. The rain tore apart the petals, leaving a glowing trail that slowly sullied in filth.

Finally, she reached their space ship. She raggedly panted and bent over when half the ship exploded, blasting into smithereens. A solid, hot gale slammed into her. The lilies were torn from her grasp.

Kagura fell from the sky and slammed into the ground. She was covered with more blood and wounds than the girl had ever seen, the red like spilled paint. She heaved for air but choked, and gagged out more blood instead. It trailed down her bluing lips.

"Ka-Kagura-san?!" The girl was instantly at her side. A pool of blood was already forming beneath them like a shadow and she almost slipped. "Wha- but how…?"

_Clatter_.

The girl looked up.

A man with a scarlet braid stood before them. His hands hung limply at his side, long nails dripping. The girl felt a freezing shiver as she saw his eerily clean clothes, only slightly scuffled. His umbrella had dropped.

"Ka… " His mouth fumbled like it was swollen. Her eyes, so much like… like…

Like something that shouldn't be alive.

His hands were gripping her neck then, without warning, his body moving without any say of his own. Squeezing, constricting, destroying, drowning the shrieks of terror with his own horror.

An otherworldly howl resonated as a bullet ran through his arm, and he dropped it, that whichever he was holding.

"Kana, Kana, are you alright, Kana, answer me! Don't die! Wake up!"

Kagura frantically shook the girl's limp body with all her remaining energy. At last, she blinked blearily. She coughed weakly. Relief crashed down on Kagura.

"Oh Kana, you're alive, you're alive, you're alive…" Kagura murmured without stopping, hugging her tightly, tears dripping down without permission. At the beating pulse.

"K… who is… Kana…?"

Kagura froze. Realization dawned upon her of her mistake. Dread slowly creeped forward, the unstoppable black ink spilled on paper or the approach of a harbor wave or the shrill screams of a pig before a butcher's knife. She haltingly let go of the girl, looking down at anything, anywhere, but her. Her fingers twitched uncharacteristically nervously, her hands then clenching into a snow white grip.

"Ka, Kagura-san, who is…?" the girl hoarsely croaked, alarm increasingly exponentially, fear and apprehension churning like a whirlpool. An inkling of a thought itched her mind but she refused it, absolutely. "Kagura-san? K-Kagura-san?!"

"Kana."

The word was Fear poured down her back. She creakily turned around but she knew, without knowing, what will happen. What must happen. There could be only one reason someone would know her name, she who had been traveling since birth. She who had never heard of her name before then.

The protests from Kagura were muted as Kamui regained his composure. He smiled with a heart of only malice, laced with love. A love of hurt, a lust with pain, a passion for all things that can scream in agony at the rain. The soft pattering rain of carnage.

"Sister, you are too late; see, even the girl knows."

"No, stop, you can't, don't say it, all her life, she, she-"

"Kana. You, you are my daughter. Come with me and I can let your pathetic aunt live this one time."A bloody hand stretched towards her. The blood of his own sister began to dry and crackle like old dragon scales. The raw stench of flesh and gore pinned her down revoltingly.

She could only stare at it numbly. Lightheaded, she was dropped in an endless sea and she was sinking, sinking, sinking, the darkness closing over her head, despair incarnate, as the light died out.

"Kana. Do you know what this means, that you are my daughter?" She was unresponsive, but he continued on cheerily. "It means that your life was all based on a lie. A lie. That woman over there isn't even your mother. In fact... "

He paused to peer over at Kagura and sneered. "In fact, she  _killed_  your mother and took you. You were forcefully taken from family because one woman wanted to have a replacement for family. A bauble, a toy. She always liked playing with small animals, now that I think about it. Until she killed them." He laughed good-naturedly. "Always a Yato, or at least she pretended to be. But she never could accept that there is no companionship for a Yato."

"No… Tell me it's a lie, this is all a lie, tell me it's so…" Kana dragged herself from the inevitable anguish for a last grasp, a sailor gasping for air for the last time, alone in the open sea. She stared pleadingly at Kagura, but she only hung her head, defeated, a carcass picked by vultures of guilt.  _Stop, I don't want this, I don't want this…_

"No… no, no, no-"

"So? What will you do? You have no one except me now, your blood father. The one who should have been the first to say your name." His hand remained outstretched.

_You have nothing to lose… not anymore._

She expressionlessly took it, her hand squelching in the liquid pooling there. Her father beamed at her, a smile that didn't even brush his beady, calculating eyes.

"No, you can't go with him Kana, he'll hurt you, why do you think I've been chasing him down-"

"Don't say it. Don't. Say it. My name. Ever." Hurt and tears scratched Kana's throat. "You never told me anything. You've hurt me through your fake kindness more than my father could ever hurt me because how can I know what was true and what was false. But maybe you could do all that because I'm nothing of value to you. All of my memories, my entire life, nothing, just, just… cheap gold. How could I trust your words? How could I have  _loved_ you?"

Her coal black eyes slowly ignited, until they were swirls of fire and ice. Kamui looked on approvingly. "Even though she's a hybrid, she'll be a better Yato than you would ever be sister," he mocked.

Kana blinked and her concentration snapped for a second. "Wait, what do you mean woul-"

A hand shot forward.

Blood exploded out her back.

"Hmm, we can't be having mixed alliances now can we, Kana? It was either her or me and now that you've chosen, there's no reason to keep her alive."

He slid his hand out of her chest, now a gaping wound. Kana looked in horror. Kagura crumpled to the ground.

"Ka-!"

"Who. Who are you loyal to Kana. Say it."

Disgust was stamped across her expression, complete and utter disgust. Rage flooded her senses, power seeped through her veins, hate choked her heart with its briars of fear. Beneath it all, glass was shattering into as many shards as there are stars.

She gave herself up to it, up to it all.

Kagura hoarsely whispered in desperation, her hands clawing towards her, but Kana heard, saw, none of it as she raised her fist against her father.

Days ran into nights ran into weeks and then a month. By the end of the month, she was done; there was nothing else left in her. At all. She had no name but girl or servant, and he was none other than master…

"...I traveled with master for some years, helping him with... whatever he needed or wanted. And here we are now. In front of you."

Kana finished her story.


	5. Errata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello again! Viewer discretion is again advised as there are some graphic violent scenes here.

...

"Wha, wait, but Kagura-san, what hap-"

"What do you think." The eyes stared at him coldly, mockingly, speaking all that was needed about her opinion of him with just one look.

Okita's throat dried. "But the cloak and hat-"

She stared him down into silence. Nausea unsteadily swelled up in his stomach in realization.

"Mhm yeah, it was real difficult to take off the cloak of a dead person, not to mention out in the rain for  _a month_! without getting ourselves covered in that filth," Kamui piped in cheerfully. "Now that was some father-daughter bonding wasn't it-"

An explosion blasted through the snack shop and his last words were cut off. Screams rang as customers fled. Debris billowed in the air.

"... I am arresting you. You're insane."

"Eeeh, but the night's still so young; we can't let it end so soon can we?"

Kamui sprang from behind the counter, claws and fangs outstretched like a tiger. Okita spun around but it was already too late; they slammed onto the ground.

"Now if you can't listen to me Okita-san, I am going to have to hurt you physically while hurting you mentally, and I'm  _sure_  you don't want that," Kamui said pleasantly, one hand clenching Okita's neck and a knee on firmly on his back. "Are we clear? Nod for yes, or shake your head for no," he continued patronizingly.

Okita clenched his jaw furiously, but slowly nodded.

"Good good! But I think I'll stay this way for now, yes." The hand around his neck loosened slightly, but his fingers were still a collar.

"So, hasn't a detail been bothering you Okita-san? You know, like why the girl and I tracked you down in the first place?" Kamui waited for a response but went on full steam at the silence. "So uncooperative are you? So not fun. But anyway, I have a secret to tell you, Okita-san." Okita shivered as Kamui's breath caressed his sensitive ear. It reeked of meat and blood. It was disgusting.

"There's one thing wrong with the girl's story. One, rather important, thing I must say."  _Gleeful, why is he so gleeful when he talks?_  "I wonder, I simply cannot wait to watch your heart drop at this."  _I don't want this, no, I don't want this…_ "Guilt tear you apart, pain and agony everyday." For the first time in his life, he wanted to run, to hide, because he knew that this enemy was one he couldn't kill _._ Kamui paused dramatically before finally saying, "When sister came down to the ship, it wasn't anyone's death anniversary. There is no cemetery on the Yato planet. We're a race of carnage and death; there wouldn't be enough graves in the first place. But do you know what day it was, that day?"

Kamui jeered at him. Dread. Dread and cowardice. Only dread and cowardice filled his heart and Kamui  _knew it_.

"It was your birthday, Okita-san. I killed her on your birthday. She came to the ship because it was the closest thing from Earth."

Colors withered into only monochrome, lights and shadows. Sounds became muted as though he was plunged into deep waters, voices bouncing dully around him incoherently.

Kamui was speaking once again, his voice muffled as though only a mouth was moving. "Oh, no need to be so distraught Okita-san! I'm sure she wanted to die anyway, to forget your existence. After all, isn't that what you did?" Okita mutely watched, glassy-eyed, rusty red only reflecting a devil that escaped the depths of hell. There was no stopping the unraveling.

"Poor, poor, Okita-san, wanting to appear like  _such_  a pitiful little amnesiac when you were secretly avoiding it weren't you?" Kamui chuckled, shaking his head and wagging a finger. "You only remembered her pretty name because that's all you had to; you would never really remember her and would stupidly wonder, as years went by, what she was to you. What a sad, sad dog." Kamui threw back his head and laughed, a laugh of solid insanity. "This is the funniest thing thing I've heard my entire life! Running in circles quite literally, aren't you, the dog trying to catch his tail. A tragic hero who drags himself around pathetically, a deer shot in the leg."

The blunt ache in Okita's heart verified the ugly truth, even as his mind protested weakly,  _not true, not true, I don't know her, I've never seen her!_ , even as his head turned from side to side, even as his mouth worded a silent denial.

Kamui watched him in amusement, cruelty lighting his cerulean eyes. "So much disbelief, so much disbelief. And you know what? You knew that she loved you but she never knew about you. And you had the audacity to forget her? You ruined her life with regret but you didn't suffer a thing."

"It's not true, it's not true-"

"What's with people and denying the truth? Why do humans love denial so much?" Kamui gazed down boredly and begun to sharply poke Okita's back with a claw. "I would've thought a swordsman like you would've been more accepting since you've killed as many as me. But here I am. Fine as daylight, no depression for me! All ya gotta do is just bother with the non-important stuff and do away with the rest. Forget it. Wait, you do realize that I'm using all this "forgetting" crap with you to hurt you right?"

He looked down in concern now. "I am hoping that you'll fight me like a rabid dog? And you're not going to let this ruin our future fight? I mean, I forget anything and everything that's "important" and only remember stupid things. That's why I remember the girl. I remember, therefore she must be stupid and unworthy. Boom. Simple. Right, gir-"

Kamui couldn't finish his sentence as Okita rolled and flipped back to his feet. Kamui somersaulted and landed on a table, a wild excitement flashing in his predatory eyes.

"Up for a fight now? Are you angry yet? Do you want to kill someone yet?"

"...No. I just remembered something." The memories were still running before his eyes as they rushed back, no, as they revived back within him. The memories that he had stifled and tried to suffocate under dust. The memories of their lazy afternoons on the bench, their cutthroat dancing in the streets, or maybe that was just every place, every time they ever met. But out of all else, he remembered that cold, offbeat day of rain.  _Their_  cold, offbeat day of rain. And the unfinished vow.

"Oh, that's exciting! Tell me more about her; I hadn't seen her in ages before I killed her-"

Okita lunged forward, the sword singing in the silent air. Kamui chuckled as he leapt back, energy bouncing in each step. They danced to the raging overture, to the spinning serenade of violence wooing gore, to the waltz of blood. Nails and swords slashed through everything.  _Rip._  There goes a chair.  _Slice_. And the table.  _Crash._ And the counter. And all the furniture.

Eventually, they paused. Blood was cascading from both bodies by then, making the polished floor even slicker with each step. The air stank with the reek of absolute filth, and the metallic odor of blood was a fog. Okita held his sword arm with the other. It held a long gash, lividly pulsing. Kamui looked down at his hands and counted six torn out nails. There was, of course, no one left in the store except for them and Kana, who observed blankly. She absentmindedly began to pick her own nails.

"Heh, seems I wasn't... wrong about you Okita-san… I'm glad I came to Earth... to find you." Ragged pants fragmented his sentence, but he grinned. "I hope... you're not done yet Okita-san. Because I certainly am not."

Okita smiled grimly. He swung his sword and a spray of blood arced in the air. "But of course not. Neither am I." He surged up and sliced through the wine bottles, the whole wall crashing down. Shards of glass impaled his arms and grazed his cheeks. Debris swelled up, enshrouding the entire shop.

"Ha, if you think that something like that would hurt-" Kamui's laugh cut off as a sword submerged from the dust and jumped back as it shot towards him, seeking his neck.

_Thud._ "Kamui,  _I_  should be the one laughing at you for taking me lightly."

Okita's chuckle caught in his mouth as a chilling snicker replied. The dust cleared. His blood froze. He did succeed in driving Kamui back but…

"You really are hilarious." Blood trickled down the sword as black hair swirled. Kana stared at Okita expressionlessly, a mirror reflecting everything but her. Kamui laughed from behind her.

"So what will you do now, Okita-san? You've trapped me; now you just need to stick the sword a little farther down to kill me."

"You  _monster_ ," Okita whispered in horror."How could you use your daughter like that."

"The longer you wait, the less time the girl has to live if you want to save her, Okita-san. Or you could just end all suffering by killing us both." Kamui smiled as pleasantly as a psychopath could. His voice dropped to a whisper."As a reward for such good work dog, I will tell you something. The only way I can atone is to do worse and worse to destroy myself more and more and to smile wider and wider. If you wanted an explanation for my monstrousness." His sunny smile bobbed before Okita.

Kana choked and blood spilled, but not before she gasped, "Kill me, this is all I've lived for, I've lived only to kill him. I've sworn... as a daughter to end his insanity… put him to rest."

Hate and guilt and blasting rage crashed with the horror of hurting, or frankly  _killing_ , his lover's niece. Okita's hand trembled with anger and fear, Kana wincing with every jerk. The blood was now a constant stream as Kamui laughed and laughed and laughed in the nightmare. He knew.  _He knew everything about him_.

"I… I,I can't…" Okita ripped off a piece of his clothes and slowly pulled back the sword, stepping forward to staunch Kana's blood.

"Oh, good job, very good job, that was so much fun wasn't it-"

_Slash_.

As Kana fell, her arm splattered with hot blood as it swung forward limply.  _Like father, like daughter_. She smiled grimly in satisfaction as the switch knife fell and Okita caught her. Kamui slumped against the wall, triumph at last shining in his eyes before the sky clouded.

"Kana?! Wha- no, this isn't the time, here, I'll take you to the hospital-"

"Okita-san."

He stopped his frantic movements and stared at her. She almost laughed at his expression, for some reason. She felt herself lifting up, a feather in a warm updraft.

"Okita-san, Ka-, no, Mami, she always talked about you. Not everything was good but she looked happy, I think. Thank you... for making Mami's life bright." For the first time in ages, she felt herself warmly smile and she brushed his cheek. "I'll be sure to send her your love when I reach her… So bury me... with...umbrella. Need to return... "  _You can't, no, no, no_. Her eyes closed, a crystal rolling down her cheek.  _Wait, stop, open your eyes._ "I can finally see the light above the sea…"  _You can't, you've smiled for the first time for me, this can't be the las_ \- Her breathing stopped.

"Kana…" he choked. The world lurched as he slumped forward into a puddle of mixed blood.


	6. In Every Story

_The fresh scent of the soil enveloped him. Gentle drizzling enshrouded him, its constant droplets bouncing off the tin roofs dully. A pale porcelain hand slowly unfurled and felt the rain. The ever familiar rain…_

The mist cleared. He was back again. To that time. To that rain. To that girl from ten years ago. She was crouching by the side of the street, entranced by the gingko leaf that he had dropped to watch her reaction. It fell into the drain and the magic disappeared.

She clenched her umbrella, the exact same one as Kana's years later. She stared into the drain a bit more before gritting her teeth.

"I am going to make that bastard who hurt Soyo pay, that bastard who couldn't even protect her, who…who destroyed her heart..." she muttered, almost subconsciously.

Back then, ten years ago, he had thought that she had meant him. For not protecting… that someone. For not protecting Soyo-hime's heart. But now he knew that he was wrong, all wrong.

"Oi, China."

She turned around, her eyes already bloodshot from tears of guilt and shame over Kamui. "O-oh look, it's the stupid pol-"

Her eyes widened in shock as he embraced her, fiercely. She let go of her umbrella, letting it roll down the street. Their hearts raced, they could feel each others' heart beats through their wet clothes. She blushed, a bright scarlet that matched her hair.

"Wha, w-what are y-you doing, get off me-"

"No, I won't. I love you, and I won't stop until you say that you love me back."

"What?! H-how can you be so sure?!"

"Because I can be. Just say yes, you know it's true."

Her head felt dizzy with the rush of adrenaline. She felt lightheaded because of the surprise- no. No, she knew that she was lying to herself. She was dizzy and lightheaded because it was all too good to be true.

"I… I… I am in love with you..."

He let go and brushed her dripping hair, touched her burning cheek, stared into her shining eyes that mirrored his own.

The landscape suddenly started to wash away and Okita felt himself whisked along, helpless to his fate, his outstretched arms grasping at nothing. He shut his eyes.

It stopped. He opened them.

He was back to his own age again, but this time there was no rain. He looked down in surprise to see that he was standing on the water. The sky was wide, with clouds foaming above and plodding along like sheep.  _Hmm, guess I shouldn't be surprised; this is that typical anime scene like in April is your lie, Tokyo Ghoul_ …

"Oi, just because this is a fanfic doesn't mean that you can plagiarize it like the stupid Gorilla author, Sadist."

He turned and his breath was stolen away.  _She was beautiful_. She had an amused grin, her hair now longer than he had ever seen it, but the scarlet was still the same. Her umbrella was still the same. But of course, of all the things he could've said, he asked stupidly, "Wait, you can read my thoughts?"

"... Out of all the things, that's what you ask?"

As he stuttered for words, she laughed. Not the delicate kind but a warm chuckle from the bottom of her heart. "To answer your question, no. I just assumed that since you _are_  a Gintama character, even in a place like here."

"O-oh, I see… But where is here?" He looked up at the clear skies casually. "Seems nice."

Her smile became a bit more bitter, maybe a bit more sweeter. "The place you go where you die, maybe?"

Okita's throat dried. His heart skidded to a halt. "But, but I, the past, right now-"

"No one can change the past. You must know that, Sadist. Do not delude yourself." She also looked up at the sky this time. "That was a  _what if_. Apparently, in this world, we can all grant one wish to the person whom we love the most." She laughed in embarrassment. "Yours was that, it seems."

"But… does that mean that I'm dead too?"

"Oh no. You're alive and well back in the living world. But it seems that someone who really cherished me granted  _my_  wish when he came into this world." She looked back at Okita with a sad smile.

Guilt crashed down on him as he remembered. "I-I… I can't… I'm sorry for… both… and…" He closed his eyes, but he could only see the redhead fall more vividly in his mind than when he saw the sister. Of the girl- no,  _Kana_ , breathing her last in his arms.

A light touch flitted on his lips, the brush of an angel's breath. Okita opened his eyes in shock. Kagura stepped back and rubbed her eyes, forcing laugh. "It's not your fault, you don't need to apologize for their actions, they're both in better places now, the other one's wandering a bit but she'll reach here, I'm sure of it, I-I'm sorry, I should be the one comforting you but I-"

And then this time, he gently pulled away her hands and kissed her. And she returned it. Their longing twined like two vines, two honeysuckles, two star-crossed lovers. Their passion, their desire, their lust, their love, their loneliness, their incompleteness; everything melted into one as it deepened. She fit so perfectly; She was the rest of his moon when it was a crescent, she was everything that solved what couldn't be solved while being everything that couldn't ever be solved. She was Kagura, she was China. She was  _his love_. Her lips and her heart were his, as his lips and his heart were hers.

When it ended, he knew that it was the end. ' _Why do humans love denial so much?'_  She smiled one last smile, brighter than anything that he had ever seen or would ever see.  _But this longing, this aching, it won't stop._  Tears streamed down as fingers touched for the last time, and the world faded away…

He woke up with a start. He was in a hospital, under clean sheets with multiple bandages and stitches. Tears were dripping down his face. He attempted to brush them away.

"Ow!" He flinched and saw that his arm was connected to an IV.

"O-Okita-san?"

He sucked in a breath at the familiar call, but out came only Shinpachi and Gintoki from the door. He inwardly berated himself for assuming that it was Kana.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid..._

"Uh, you okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I'm fine."

"But, tears."

"... Then could you give me something to wipe them off."

Shinpachi hurriedly yanked out a handkerchief, and Okita somehow managed to wipe his eyes with his other hand. He gruffly gave it back.

"So… is there a reason why you're here?"

"Ah no, we're only here because we were worr- Ugf!"

Gintoki elbowed Shinpachi in the stomach and smoothly ended it with, "Because that Mayo bastard paid us to since he's the one worried."

"Oi, that's practically the same- Agggh, my glasses!"

"Shut up Patsan or do you want me to destroy your Otsu pillow when we get home?!"

As they bantered back and forth, Okita sighed and shook his head sadly at the future of humanity. As more random characters began to flood in from the ceiling, the other hospital beds, the walls, the floors, and basically anywhere but the door, he glanced outside. It had clouded over and had begun to drizzle.

_The sky, just a vast horizon of gray, reflected his mood well. Perhaps grim would be the right word for it, but what would he know? Since when did rain have any emotions anyway? Oh look, isn't that a gingko leaf floating in the rainwater?_

_...I hope my "what if" is doing well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And that's it! Thank you to all the readers who read Wherever you are! It's been really fun to write, not to mention the full complete story I've ever written. ^^ I hope that it's been as fun to read as it had been as fun to write. Sorry for any ultra-angsty ness, I think I'm obsessed with tragedies. Also for any Ooc-ness, excess violence, cursing, and for the one oc. Thanks again for reading!
> 
> P.S. If anyone was wondering, I titled each chapter as parts of a published book (well, except for this chapter I guess) because I titled the first and second chapters before thinking of continuing the fanfiction. Or maybe you could think of the fanfiction as one long story like in a book. Whichever pleases you. :) It is again raining today, befitting for the end of this story.


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